it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
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I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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