he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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