So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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