he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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