and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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