she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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