I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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