I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
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I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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