My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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