At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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