I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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