Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize