You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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