Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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