his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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