Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize