Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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