im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize