worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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