I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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