Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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