D3 body, D1 cock
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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