Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize