you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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