the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize