We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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