Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
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If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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