I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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