But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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