The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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