It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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