I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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