She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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