Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
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I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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