i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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