it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
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I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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