Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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