I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize