How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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