Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
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You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize