he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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