apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
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I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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