hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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