So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
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I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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