One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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