I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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