return my video game
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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