There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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