I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
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i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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