fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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